Park Lane & Mayfair

I am a well-educated British escort; I was thinking about how I bring myself over to people. Am I coming across as a girl from the Home Counties or the back end of Beyond? Are my vowels as rounded as my hips? The reason for musing about this is that I have a date this weekend with Douglas. Douglas is recently divorced and has moved down from Newcastle to start a new life. He has taken a flat in Kensington and is keen to discover London on a broader scale than just around his local area. However, he wants someone with a well-educated acto polish off the experience. He laughed at himself while on the phone, which made me instantly warm to him, explaining that he gets turned on by the idea of taking a lady out for the day. I told him I would do my best to fit his ideal – then I had a quiet panic.

I wouldn’t consider myself to have a broad London accent – it is neither Hampstead nor Hackney but somewhere in-between. So the first thing I did was ring another English escort friend to ask her opinion. “Would you say I speak properly?” I interjected suddenly mid-conversation. She was taken aback but answered truthfully: “Yes, when you think about it.” I admired her honesty and resolved to abstain from any lousy language from that moment on, which is very difficult when consciously thinking about it.

So I began wondering what sort of outfit a “well-educated girl” wears without looking like she has stepped out of an edition of Horse & Hound. Understanding that I would have to give my MasterCard a thrashing, I made an appointment at an exclusive boutique by Kings Road tube station. A few hundred pounds later, retail therapy had bought me an awe-inspiring dress and Alexander McQueen shoes. It was a very extravagant purchase, but I talked myself into it because they were “staple items” for my wardrobe.

My ‘look’ justified and my accent polished left one more thing – a date where a well-spoken English escort in London would fit right in. Douglas has left the finer details to me, just asking that I pass him the final bill at the end. So I have decided on a cultural tour of our finest Museums and Galleries (The Tate and V&A for starters) and then a West End Musical for the evening. While I think I can keep up my plummy accent whilst talking knowledgeably about art, I may struggle during a stage show. So I chose The Phantom of the Opera, where I knew I wouldn’t have to talk!

Douglas is meeting me at his flat tomorrow at 9 am for breakfast. I have been perfecting my perfect English accent just for Douglas, and I think he will be impressed. But you know our Park Lane and Mayfair escorts go to great lengths to please their gentlemanly clients…

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